"You wanna pick me up?"

There's this lady on her cell phone, looking through clothes on a rack in the store. There's assorted merchandise strewn over her cart in a comical fashion. She looks like she tried to put herself together pretty nice to go out shopping. She is also speaking stereotypically loud.

"They're coming for dinner?"
"Are they coming for dinner?"
"I was thinking dinner at like 2 or 3 and you're saying 6 or 7"
"Where were the keys?"
"Did you find the keys?"
"What did you do with the keys?"
"You have the keys?"

Hahahaha. I immediately thought of this and only wished that life was as magical as an animated sitcom.

It's fun to make a scene!

While shopping today, I had the pleasure of coming across Eric and his beautiful friend girl. Whether this was a wife, girlfriend, sister or any other female companion, I do not know. What I do know is said girl is a beast of a woman!

It started in the shoe department. Said beast (let's call her... Portly Girl of the Flushed Face, or Psycho Chick) was huffily trying on a selection of gaudy footwear. I took little notice as I continued to browse until I heard, "Why do you always do that?!"

Now granted, I was only an aisle or two away, so I didn't immediately notice the volume. I kept on moving away in my endless quest to find a pair of shoes when I then hear, "You can't just keep your comments to yourself! You always do that!" This causes a bout of chuckling I conceal by pretending to be enthralled by the bottle opener not-so-concealed in the strap of a pair of sandals.

Then I start to notice how many people are actually in this section of the store. Husbands and wives, older people, mothers with children, etc. Yet, Psycho Chick doesn't seem to be phased by her audience.

"I HATE it when you do that! No one appreciates your attitude!"

I see Eric hustle away with the shopping cart. I hadn't heard him open his mouth once and figured it was probably best for him to get the hell out of there. But it wasn't over. From across the store now we all hear, "YES OR NO!?! IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION!!!"

At this point I'm visibly laughing. Honestly, even if Eric is a total jerk, do you need to scream and shout across an entire store? Some of the startled customers are now looking at me laugh at Eric and Psycho Chick. None of them seemed to find it as funny as I did and a couple seemed to think my laughing was worse than her public display of anger.

I wonder if that makes me a bad person. But I'm pretty sure I'll get over it.

Oh yeah!

I'm pretty much anti-Hallmark holidays unless they involve a party (read: a fun time with family or friends) or unique fundraising opportunity (rock on Relay bake sales). And on top of that, this particular one has never been on the top of my list, thank you very much adolescent rejection.

But I feel this is appropriate for today:

"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."
-The Wizard of Oz

Of course, we're a special lot, aren't we? Which is why the Tin Woodsman's response is apropos:

"But I still want one."

Gotta love the classics! Rock it, kids.

Judge!

I received a phone call today from the local arts center in town... And they asked me to be the judge in the upcoming show! That's right. Not a judge, the judge.

Wow.

Granted, I might have to finagle my way out of work for this (who cares?), but now I feel like I should brush up on some of my crit skills too. There will be both professional artists and amateurs in the upcoming show. Either way, I doubt I will know many of them. Which is a good thing when you're trying to objectively judge something that is influenced heavily by subjective impulses.

I think I talked her into three categories instead of just one best-in-show piece. The winners don't get any money (and neither do I!), just recognition. So why not? Plus, I think it's difficult to weigh an oil painting against a water color or a mixed media piece or even sculpture. It's like asking, which is a better piece, Starry Night or the Pieta. Okay, well it's not exactly like that. But you get what I'm saying.

Can't wait--should be exciting!

Depressants

Major drug breakthrough found in Despondex.

Check it out.

;)

Beach Bum

I've made a very important decision. If there is indeed reincarnation, I am going to put in for "Beach Bum." Maybe even "Beach Bum Surfer Boy." Now, I won't be picky beyond that.

I either ask to be born in Southern California. Preferably near the beach. I'll grow up playing in the sand and sun. I'll accept whatever stereotypes that come with the territory. I'll go bleach blond even. Whatever. Go running with my dog on the beach. Surf. Laugh. Sun. Beer. Surf. Smile. BBQ tossed in there once in a while. Deep conversations under the stars. Pretty chill, right?

Or. I'll take being born in Australia. Also, near the beach. We can stick surfing in there again. (I don't know where this sudden fascination with surfing has come in... was it really watching those dudes surf in the body suits in the 50 degree weather?... Maybe it just looks fun. And I don't have the balance for it in this life. Haha.) Beach bumming. All of the above. And my life-long dream would be to come to America. Because... it's nice to have a dream. Plus I'd have that awesome accent. Sick!

How's that?

(Notice how Hawaii is between these two possibilities. Just in case we have to go with some sort of average-between-the-two outcome, I will settle for the in-between of Hawaii. As if I think I'd ever utter the words "I'll settle for Hawaii" in any context whatsoever. Ever. In any life.)

Uh-oh...

No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life within the confines of your head. ~Terry Josephson

$#*%! haha.