Mandatory Summer Reading

While the thought of staying in bed and never getting up was certainly tempting, I did manage to get up this morning. [Of course, that had more to do with the phone call for a potential freelance gig, soon to be followed by a call for a Relay meeting.]

My mission today is to try and get the f*** over yesterday, and shrug off some of this bullshit.

So far, I manage a chuckle with this article from America's Finest News Source:

Study: 74% Of Children Tenting Out In Yard Don't Make It Through The Night

I wish I could make copies and slip it in the books at work. That would be a larf.

"How come everybody... How come everybody gets down?"

Today sucked. I take back everything I ever jested about a "lucrative civil service job." I feel like I've been played for the past... 13 years. That's a double digit number, you know. Thirteen.

So work is awful. And it's fun when the higher ups look you in the eye and say, "We know morale is low." Hahah. Ya think?! You wanna maybe jump in there and like, I dunno, do something about it?

But whatever. A job's a job, right? And as per my earlier posts, it doesn't define who I am. Of course, the kick-in-the-gut feeling that I've wasted the past 6-12 years of my life is a little difficult to get over. More fun to get over is the dam that burst open upon today's wonderful news.

Among these gems:
I am wasting my life.
I don't know what to do with myself.
Why am I so unable to make some sort of change?
Why can't I find a job?
I'm not as creative or talented as I need to be to get this shit done.
I still live at home!
I'VE WASTED 6 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE! [I am aware the math doesn't add up, just trust me on this one though.]
I'm a joke.

[I did notice all the "I"s packed in there by the way. How self-deprecating of me.]

At this point, the swirling thoughts and headache are clashing with disgust and depression and anger and all I want to do is... what? Run away? Get in my car and drive? Head to the nearest bar? I consider calling someone to vent, and then I suddenly can't.

I realize I probably should go home, since now I'm 2 hours late, and I think about how it's going to suck to walk into a house full of people and pretend nothing is wrong. But I don't really have any other options. And homecoming sucked more than I anticipated.

Last week something snapped. This week it was crushed. I feel defeated.

. . .

['nuff said.]

Rock on America.

Commentary: Frightening future if health reform fails - CNN.com

Heh...

Something broke inside me today. It stretched and bent and wiggled and fought back. But it snapped.

I wonder what it was.

Hahahaaa

This reminds me of a few years ago...

Area Man Has No Idea How To Get Copy Of Birth Certificate | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

"Yay! Come travel with us! Oh wait, you're single? Ooooo.... Yeah. About that..."

I have been looking into some tours/trips that include groups so I could get over my little ghetto-ness about "I'd rather not go somewhere cool and sit there by myself because I'm a loser" thing. It's sort of cool because there are seem to be a lot of things out there.

But guess what! If you are traveling alone, you get charged extra. As in $100 to $200 or more. Hahah, so you know when they say "Discounts available for group rates!"? Well, apparently sometimes it's also "Extra fees when you don't have anyone to go with!" [I could launch into my feelings about relationships and being single, or even how I liken this to celebrating anniversaries, but I will refrain for now.]

Good shit. I'd rather pay $200 towards a friend's trip then give it to some company/group/tour. Oh well.

So I think maybe I'm going to hack up that vacation instead of taking the whole week. I can try to shoot for something in the future and put a little more planning into it [whether that includes saving a few extra hundred for to travel alone or trying to get a friend or 2 to come with].

Tryin' to leave some options open, but we're coming down to the wire. Oh well...