Vacate the premises

Scheduling vacation at my job is a hassle, in part because all vacation needs to be settled and approved usually by February. Sure, you can attempt to change a day or two but only if you're lucky enough to have it not interfere with anyone else's approved time off.

I usually try to pack long weekends towards the end of the year (mostly because vacation is pro-rated, and if I get lucky enough to leave, I don't want to owe them hours or money). This year though, I actually scored a whole week off in September. The desire to travel somewhere is quite strong. But I feel stuck. Why? Because, I don't really like traveling alone. Or rather, I'd rather share a new place or new experiences with other people. The actual getting to where I'm going isn't the issue. It's the what to do when I get there.

This year, half of my friends are broke or getting married or buying houses, making them monetarily unable to partake in such adventure. The others have either scheduled their own vacations and asked me to take part after the fact ["We're all going to do THIS! You should come too! What? You can't take that time off? Well we already have everything booked, so try anyway."] if I was privileged enough to be included at all. Rock on.

I have 10 days to do SOMETHING! Hawaii? Haha. That part of me that wants to say "Screw it, peace out," and bounce to what I have built up in my mind to be paradise is all over this idea. I'd love to go there and scope it out--Kauai!?--and seal the deal or burn through my own illusions. San Diego? Seattle? Santa Fe? Hell, Italy and finally get my passport stamped with something? Haha. There are even these "Volunteer Vacations" all over the place, but the problem with those is they usually require more time--anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. I won't get into prices, or how for the cost I should just go to Hawaii.

So I don't know. It's frustrating, and I know it's sort of silly. I shouldn't let an opportunity pass because I don't want to go alone (hahaha, boo hoo, right?). I'm looking for some sort of sign! And, you know, the right idea to splash into my totally otherwise occupied mind.

That hat...

Mom started wearing the wig today. I think because she went to take care of some stuff at work, and it's easier to get people used to a new 'do after a couple weeks off rather than come in all of a sudden with different hair one day [Okay, so it might work if you're faux-hawkin it and you couldn't really care what people think of your hair, but we aren't all blessed with the ability to pull it off].

Needless to say, I hate the wig. I know it's important, and I understand it's role in this whole process to every person who goes through something like this. The hair loss is the thing that slams this into perspective for me. Why is that? Can it really be just because it makes it a more visible aspect of the illness? Do I write the chemo off as just a bunch of doctors' visits? Pretend the inconvenience of numbness and occasional appetite loss is just a bug now and then?

She doesn't wear the wig around the house, which I'm grateful for. If you can't walk around bald in front of your family [be they blood related family or not], then you have a problem. But there's this blue hat. Her head gets cold, so she wears the hat. And while she still has hair [I buzzed it short about a week ago in prep], I haven't seen her without that hat since Friday. I know this means it's falling out faster and getting thinner.

I'm disappointed in myself because I don't feel like I'm handling it all that well. I'm disappointed that I can shrug off the seriousness of all of this crap until we get to the hair loss. It's just hair. Buddhists shave their heads to keep humble [it's difficult to worry about your hairstyle and how it affects your appearance and societal status when you don't have any]. I know it's just hair and it'll grow back. Who cares?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not falling apart over it or anything. But all day long when someone asked me how it was going, or what's new, all I could think of to say was "My mom had to wear the wig today." Of course I didn't actually say it. But if you were to ask me today, "What's up dude?" that would have been my honest answer.

I fucking hate you cancer.

Nailed by the library!

This is ridiculous, but certainly funny.

Nailed 'Em - Library Crime | July 27, 2009 - Movits! | ColbertNation.com

Book burning? Really?

Ridiculous:

Library fight riles up city, leads to book-burning demand - CNN.com

[I'm not a fan of censorship.]

Fireflies

Song of the day (or past several, actually)

Fireflies by Owl City

It reminds me of Trying To Put Your Heart Back Together. Like a happy sad song or something. Plus, with a Firefly program coming up, and the awesome little dudes flyin' around the past few weeks, it seems appropriate.

And I like this line:

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird, cause I hate goodbyes

Lost and Gone Forever

Would be so awesome...

11.27

New York, NY

Beacon Theatre

Tickets on sale Friday 7/17. Celebrating 10 years of Lost and Gone Forever. An "Evening With" Guster: Two sets, one of which will be the album in its entirety. Flyers

All Ages

8:00 pm

TIX

=)

I'm going to be an uncle.