Last cancer post of the year

My mom's scans and tests are next week. Friday I do believe. Results should be in by Tuesday when she goes in for chemo.

I will admit when I stop to think about it I feel sort of nauseous [so I'm not really stopping to think about it too much]. This should determine if the cancer is "gone," when she can stop chemo, etc.

The side-effects are getting worse. While the hair on top of her head has started growing back, her taste is shot to shit again. Since the chemo attacks fast-growing cells like hair, nail and tastebud cells, these things are usually effected the worst. That's why people lose their hair. And their appetites. And lose their finger nails.

She hasn't lost her nails yet, but it's not looking good...

So 2010, let's get this straight now. ENOUGH with the cancer already.

Prayers and crossed fingers would be appreciated.

The whirlwind

Christmas has always been one of my favorite times of the year. I'm not really sure what it is--the atmosphere, the snap of the cold air that I don't totally mind just yet, the food--but it's always been pretty cool. Even in college, I spent time filling stockings for friends, playing Christmas music and having an awesome few days before flying home (where I'd usually have an awesome 3 weeks of hanging out not really doing anything, eating home-cooked meals and seeing family).

This year seemed to be extra-packed with craziness. My niece came 5 weeks early in the beginning of the week. I think we're all still in shock. Christmas Eve was full of Santa riding past the house on the firetruck (normal), the mother and [beastly] daughter next door having a fistfight with the grandmother trying to break them up (yay trashy neighbors!), Rocket (ha, I didn't make up that nickname, but he's a cool guy) completely trashed, singing and hanging all over everyone outside when we went out to stop the fight, and two white horses riding down the street pulling a sleigh with carolers (not normal).

Our cousins from SC came up, and we were lucky enough to spend 2 days with them. Always great times and the best laughs.

Tomorrow, I think I'll get to see baby for the 1st time!!!

And there's that pesky OBNJ poster that I'm supposed to finish, not to mention the freelance gig that isn't getting done.

Plus New Year! I'm happy I got a few different invites this year. Not really sure which to accept, and just realized now that I only have about 36 hours to figure it out (Yay decisions!).

I'm thinking of sticking around for baby's first New Year, though aside from sleeping and pooping I don't think she'll be doing anything much.

I don't have to go back to the big house till the 4th and I'm already dreading it! It's going to fast, and dare I say it, I'm having too much fun...

ZZzzzzZZzzZZzzzz....

I love when Maggie snores.

Praying for...?

Last night before going to sleep, I actually prayed. As per my small crisis of faith, this is something I rarely do. But sometimes you just need to talk to someone, and options were few. [Besides, I ultimately believe in God--the all-loving one--and even though I might seem like a petulant child, there's a piece of me like still believes he listens.]

I prayed for my mom mostly, and I asked Him not to let her down.

I also prayed a bit for myself. For some guidance, for a sign. You know, all that kinda stuff that never really happens. Or that I over think and analyze away.

Well, I said my prayers, ending with the plea for a sign, for finding my way.

And what do I dream about?

Zombies.

That's right. Not "school" or "family" or "art" or even a frickin' library. Zombies.

So either:
1.) There will be some sort of zombie situation/outbreak/apocalypse and God is trying to warn me.

or

2.) He had a pretty nice laugh at my expense. [I'm actually okay with this, believe it or not.]


If there are zombies in the future, I apologize in advance for not warning you.

A list...

2010 needs to include either:
1. A trip to Hawaii (or a move..... think? maybe? perhaps?...)
2. A stamp in my passport.
3. 3-5 day stay in a beach area on the west coast of something that will afford me kick-ass sunsets.

Random happenings

A few weeks ago while we were closing up at work, I took the trek over to secure the computer room. That pretty much consists of shutting down computers. It's thrilling. But on this particular day, there happened to be a Word document open. Earlier in the evening, I had been trying to help a student print out college essay, so I thought perhaps it was a simple case of said student getting the print and bailing before closing out.

So I started to read it. And it was totally not a college essay. Instead, I blundered into a letter this guy wrote to a girl. Apparently they had been friends for years, and he's loved her for pretty much that whole time. It was a confession, a plea, a total opening up of himself. I felt awfully guilty but part of me couldn't stop reading it.

Of course, because this is just the way things go for me, the guy walked in when I was about halfway through. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, though I do admit relief that he didn't decide to take anything out on me. He pretty much said what I had gathered: He fell in love, didn't think she knew and wanted to tell her, and this was the only way he was comfortable enough to do it.

I helped him print the letter out while he nervously made some small talk, and before he left I wished him the best. Chances are I'll never see the guy again. Or, if he's come in since, he himself didn't make any lasting impression and I haven't noticed. Sometimes though, when the thought crosses my mind, I like to think it worked out for them.

It reminds me of a quote by T.H. White though, which would lead to another conclusion:

"Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically--to those who hardly think about us in return."

In Your Eyes

It's no secret that I really enjoy simple tunes. There's just something about a guitar or a piano or whatever, even if it's not necessarily accompanied by a voice, that I love. Acoustic versions of songs are beginning to be my favorites by far.

Along those lines, I stumbled into a good one over the weekend. I've really liked the song, "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel ever since my sister's wedding when it was played during a little show of pics from my sister and brother-in-law growing up and some shots of our families, both living and passed. [Haha, probably cliche, but it was awesome nevertheless.] What I came across was a cover version performed by Sara Bareilles. She's one of the artist's who had a song featured in a Mac/Apple/iPod commercial... "Love Song" maybe? Either way, her version of "In Your Eyes" is, yes, awesome.

Check it out on YouTube here.

Gotta keep runnin'...

I just finished registering for the 2010 [wow] Relay For Life. The town's goal this year is $57,000.00, and if we pull together and keep on the same track we were on last year, we should have no problem at all kicking the crap out of that goal. Earlier today, we had 6 teams signed up and over $3,000 raised. That's pretty cool considering the event is in June!

So, not sure how much stock I put in numerology, but 7 popped up a lot with Relay tonight. I registered the 7th team for the event. I'm the 28th participant, and I do believe multiples of 7 count. (Hahaha, I can't believe 27 people beat me to it this year! Last year I was the only one signed up for weeks.) After adding the Halloween Bake Sale money and the leftover t-shirt money and straggling donations from '09, my team has raised $727.00. The total amount of the top 5 teams adds up to $3,777...

I'm allowing this to be a positive sign!

I put some feelers out for an Online Chair to replace me. Have a meeting with the Nets coming up to do a walkthrough of their home court [which will be the location of our Kick-Off in January]. Committee meeting tomorrow. Holiday Bake Sale in a couple weeks... I think I have 3 teams in a strong competition to strike for $10,000 goals--us included!

Here's to a fight, just one among many. Here's to a step along a journey, and an opportunity to try and make a little bit of a difference.