The Captain.

Last month's test results were a mixed bag... No, the cancer didn't spread (awesome!). But, the chemo isn't working and it's still there (wtf?).

On to another chemo... Another drug... Another slew of side effects. 5 hour chemo sessions. Self-administered injections.

It's frustrating.

So what do we do? "Face forward, move slow, forge ahead."

Relay For Life barreling across the squares on the calendar, refusing to slow down. It's become this pretty massive thing this year, which is amazing. There are 10 days until our event, and we've already surpassed our goal of $57,000.00 (I only have $373 left to reach my own goal!!). At almost $60,000.00 raised to date, with one person shy of 300 registered, this event has become bigger than the previous 5 in this city. This is going to be the biggest year we've had. It's sort of scary and kind of thrilling.

I don't know how I fell into this role of leadership. It doesn't seem right. It doesn't quite seem like I know what I'm doing. But no one seems to notice... Am I just pretending? Or am I really being a leader?

"Courageous, just like the captain."

The past few days I've been overwhelmed with a few things... (Haha, okay, sort of like "I'm frozen, tied up, cast in lead.") I want to run away! But I can't.

I can, however, put all of this on hold for a few days to totally immerse myself in a most wonderful wedding weekend for two people I could not be more happy for. A couple days of fun to supercharge the batteries... (And give a best man speech!)

"It's simple, so says the captain."

Monday it'll all be there to great me again. But you know what? I'm going to make this start working for me. I'm tired of the frustration. The uncertainty. I might not be able to do anything more for my mom than what I'm already doing. I can't control the weather for this Relay event. I might have absolutely no clue what to do with my own life. My responsibilities aren't endless. "My conscience, mistrust and regret" will still be there for sure.

But it's time to be more like the captain.

"Marching forward, with no doubt in his head."