GSK does Relay?

As I mentioned, my staff partner is on the other side of the world, but our sub was supposed to meet me at GSK this morning for a meeting with what I thought would be potential Team Captains. I was a little nervous, as I usually am when I'm on the spot like that, but I thought, "What the hell, I got this stuff down and I'll have backup."

But! Back-up was late getting there, and when they came to get me I find myself quite alone. I figured I tell them I wasn't ready or ask them to wait. So I was lead through the building to this meeting room. And what sight do I behold?

20 people, sitting in a horse-shoe shape staring at me.

If there is at least 1 thing I'm thankful that the library has taught me, it's how to hold my own when I'm put on the spot. I'm not the most elegant speaker, and I drop more "Ums" than I'd like to admit, but I nailed most of that stuff. When ACS help got there, she didn't even have to bail me out. Sure she added some stuff, but I handled most of it without throwing up or passing out. (Not that I've ever done either of these while on stage, but I'm sure if I thought about it enough I could.)

It has probably also given me the tools I need to be comfortable enough to chair an event like this and talk to people and all that.

Blast you library! Am I really indebted to you??

"Who would have thought Hell would really exist? And that it would be in New Jersey?"

So lemme set this up real quick. It's been a long-ass day, and I'm beat. It was "Snapshot" day today, where we were supposed to ask people to fill out surveys and things to send to the state library in a vain attempt to prevent losing funding. We were short staffed so nothing got done, and we were all sort of tired and demoralized.

Enter Guy. Yours truly had the pleasure of stepping up to the desk to help him. It all started out normal enough. Guy comes in. He needs help finding something. I answer and direct and make everyone happy. Easy, right?

Well he apologizes that sometimes he has trouble talking. I assure him it's not a problem and wait patiently while he looks for the right words.

He starts talking about religion and wants to do some research and find different viewpoints on certain issues. I give him his options (reference, internet, online databases, etc.) and he continues to explain. Now, I'm going to get the order of stuff messed up and nothing here is verbatim. But it went something like this:

Guy: "There's this guy who... He thinks he's someone that I am."

Me: "Okay. That could be a problem."

Guy: "You see, because I'm the devil."

Me: ...

Guy: "I talk to God every day. And I know it sounds crazy. And there's this other guy who thinks he's the devil, but he can't be because I'm him."

Me, nodding understandingly: "Okay." I start to search his face to see if I can find any twitches or smirks or anything. Any sign that would show me either A) Dude's, in fact, crazy; B) Dude's pulling my leg; C) Dude's actually telling the truth. In which case... what? Horns? I don't know. Regardless, this devil is rather polite.

Guy: "Lots of people think it's crazy. But I know it isn't. God talks to me." [He threw in something here about angels and archangels, but I didn't catch the whole thing. I was still unsure what exactly to say.] "I'm looking for opposing viewpoints on it. Like what other people are saying about it."

Me, after explaining the available resources again: "I think you're best bet at this library would be the second floor. All of our reference and nonfiction is upstairs, and a librarian can help you with online catalogs and resources."

Guy: "I was thinking of someplace in New York. Or isn't there a Congress Library?"

Here I explain about New York Public Library and try to emphasize how their resources are superior to ours. They'd have a lot more information. I also mention the Library of Congress in DC. Also a good resource, if a little far. He agrees that New York would be good place to start, and I try to suggest he start there.

Guy: "Yeah, I try not to come here too often. Because, like I said, I have trouble talking sometimes. Getting my point across. But God told me to find out. I see him at the place we play pool every morning."

Huh. Far be it from me to doubt God's intentions or devices regarding anything.

Guy: "So I want to try and figure out how to prove I'm the devil. Because I know I am."

At this point, my coworkers spring into action. They've been listening the whole time and after taking care of the patrons--who always come first... even when there are little children and the devil is there standing next to them--seized the first opportunity to extricate me from the situation.

One rings the back phone, the other answers. She hurries out to excuse our conversation and let me know that there's an important phone call I need to take. He apologizes for taking so much time, and I assure him again it's okay (because... uhh... ???). I let the librarians know what they were in for, and sure enough we had to save a couple of them too.

Just another day...

It's fun to make a scene!

While shopping today, I had the pleasure of coming across Eric and his beautiful friend girl. Whether this was a wife, girlfriend, sister or any other female companion, I do not know. What I do know is said girl is a beast of a woman!

It started in the shoe department. Said beast (let's call her... Portly Girl of the Flushed Face, or Psycho Chick) was huffily trying on a selection of gaudy footwear. I took little notice as I continued to browse until I heard, "Why do you always do that?!"

Now granted, I was only an aisle or two away, so I didn't immediately notice the volume. I kept on moving away in my endless quest to find a pair of shoes when I then hear, "You can't just keep your comments to yourself! You always do that!" This causes a bout of chuckling I conceal by pretending to be enthralled by the bottle opener not-so-concealed in the strap of a pair of sandals.

Then I start to notice how many people are actually in this section of the store. Husbands and wives, older people, mothers with children, etc. Yet, Psycho Chick doesn't seem to be phased by her audience.

"I HATE it when you do that! No one appreciates your attitude!"

I see Eric hustle away with the shopping cart. I hadn't heard him open his mouth once and figured it was probably best for him to get the hell out of there. But it wasn't over. From across the store now we all hear, "YES OR NO!?! IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION!!!"

At this point I'm visibly laughing. Honestly, even if Eric is a total jerk, do you need to scream and shout across an entire store? Some of the startled customers are now looking at me laugh at Eric and Psycho Chick. None of them seemed to find it as funny as I did and a couple seemed to think my laughing was worse than her public display of anger.

I wonder if that makes me a bad person. But I'm pretty sure I'll get over it.