So lemme set this up real quick. It's been a long-ass day, and I'm beat. It was "Snapshot" day today, where we were supposed to ask people to fill out surveys and things to send to the state library in a vain attempt to prevent losing funding. We were short staffed so nothing got done, and we were all sort of tired and demoralized.
Enter Guy. Yours truly had the pleasure of stepping up to the desk to help him. It all started out normal enough. Guy comes in. He needs help finding something. I answer and direct and make everyone happy. Easy, right?
Well he apologizes that sometimes he has trouble talking. I assure him it's not a problem and wait patiently while he looks for the right words.
He starts talking about religion and wants to do some research and find different viewpoints on certain issues. I give him his options (reference, internet, online databases, etc.) and he continues to explain. Now, I'm going to get the order of stuff messed up and nothing here is verbatim. But it went something like this:
Guy: "There's this guy who... He thinks he's someone that I am."
Me: "Okay. That could be a problem."
Guy: "You see, because I'm the devil."
Me: ...
Guy: "I talk to God every day. And I know it sounds crazy. And there's this other guy who thinks he's the devil, but he can't be because I'm him."
Me, nodding understandingly: "Okay." I start to search his face to see if I can find any twitches or smirks or anything. Any sign that would show me either A) Dude's, in fact, crazy; B) Dude's pulling my leg; C) Dude's actually telling the truth. In which case... what? Horns? I don't know. Regardless, this devil is rather polite.
Guy: "Lots of people think it's crazy. But I know it isn't. God talks to me." [He threw in something here about angels and archangels, but I didn't catch the whole thing. I was still unsure what exactly to say.] "I'm looking for opposing viewpoints on it. Like what other people are saying about it."
Me, after explaining the available resources again: "I think you're best bet at this library would be the second floor. All of our reference and nonfiction is upstairs, and a librarian can help you with online catalogs and resources."
Guy: "I was thinking of someplace in New York. Or isn't there a Congress Library?"
Here I explain about New York Public Library and try to emphasize how their resources are superior to ours. They'd have a lot more information. I also mention the Library of Congress in DC. Also a good resource, if a little far. He agrees that New York would be good place to start, and I try to suggest he start there.
Guy: "Yeah, I try not to come here too often. Because, like I said, I have trouble talking sometimes. Getting my point across. But God told me to find out. I see him at the place we play pool every morning."
Huh. Far be it from me to doubt God's intentions or devices regarding anything.
Guy: "So I want to try and figure out how to prove I'm the devil. Because I know I am."
At this point, my coworkers spring into action. They've been listening the whole time and after taking care of the patrons--who always come first... even when there are little children and the devil is there standing next to them--seized the first opportunity to extricate me from the situation.
One rings the back phone, the other answers. She hurries out to excuse our conversation and let me know that there's an important phone call I need to take. He apologizes for taking so much time, and I assure him again it's okay (because... uhh... ???). I let the librarians know what they were in for, and sure enough we had to save a couple of them too.
Just another day...
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