"Are we dancing...?"

It was almost 2 weeks ago now that I visited my old home, flitted about the old stomping grounds and soaked in the absolute beauty of the beach. My vacation was blissful to say the least, but the two days I spent in Sarasota were also a bit taxing. Not the catching up with friends, the laughter that comes so easily or the beach. But the whole mind trip that accompanied some of the quieter moments. The flood of memories that exploded, the inundation of feelings I had all but forgotten.

The first time it hit me was stepping foot on campus. It would be foolish of me to think things shouldn't be changing, expanding, growing. But wow. That's all I can really say. I can't really describe the full impact. It's something that you'd have to experience, and even then I might just be a little too sensitive. Haha.

"Our" buildings are gone. There are new dorms and studios. In fact, the state-of-the art, blah blah blah, professional as all get out studios are breathtaking. I would be lying if I didn't admit a small amount of jealousy for not being able to use them when we were there.

6 years. Has it really been that long? Can so much really change?

The visual upgrades were one thing, but like I said, those tides of emotion weren't wholly expected. It was like every step I took was a brushstroke that painted memories.

That taste of freedom, of being on my own... The terror and excitement of moving away from home... Depending on Beastie more than I should have, losing her for a few months, then finding her again and forming a bond that will last forever... The complete obnoxious fun we had in the cafeteria [much to the dismay--and dare I say jealousy?--of our peers]... That sense of purpose and accomplishment when I finished a piece, or that sense of failure when it sucked really bad... Football on the beach [especially that time I collided with 'Chusetts and we thought we had killed each other]... My first naked person... Laughing so hard whenever we were together that it hurt... Walking octopuses... The smell of the oil paint... Almost slipping and telling her I loved her [which would have been bad]... The Great Easter Sleep Off... Zombies and video games galore with the Brains of the project... All that rice I ate 2nd year because I was too lazy to make anything else... Running through campus in the pouring rain... Cheese baskets... Vermont sneezing on our walks home from work [swearing it was the light bouncing off the white walls. Except when it rained, which gave him a really good idea for a tshirt]... Conversations in Super's bathroom while she soaked in the tub... Ooops... Being betrayed, loving and being loved, finding people who I thought would be there forever but who have changed or moved on or slipped away...

I could actually go on and on and on, but I don't know how interesting it would be to anyone. I feel like a lonely old man reminiscing to the youngsters. Haha. Aren't you lucky, youngsters?

There are over 1200 pictures downstairs sitting in a box that I need to go through. If there was that much that exploded through me from being there for 24 hours, I can't imagine what looking through 4 years worth of photographs is going to do to me. But I think it has to be done.

A trip to the beach is also necessary. But next time, more friends [new and old] need to be there. Start saving pennies kids.

Naked People!

Tomorrow I'm going to head into the city for an overnight figure drawing event at Pratt! I say that with both excitement and a little bit of trepidation.

I still find the big bad city to be a little too intimidating. I'm fine once I'm there, so maybe part of it is like my issue with travel in general. I just want to be there, I don't want to go to the airport and sit there for hours waiting for the flight to take off. But in this particular case there is a certain flair of social anxiety. Not that I enjoy the wonders of full-blown social anxiety disorder (and I mean, how could I if I run a city-wide event, right?), but I think my discomfort is a little bit more than what's normal given certain sets of circumstances.

What's compounding it this time is the fact that this event will be chock-full of kick-ass artists (I mean, Pratt... c'mon!). This plus the face that I haven't drawn naked people in so long... It's going to be interesting.

Aud proposed this idea earlier in the week, and I talked myself out of and back into it about 10 times. Signs sort of keep pointing toward "You idiot! Go!"

I'm proud of myself for submitting to that contest. And I'm happy that I'm taking steps to rearrange my life. I'm not great at it, but I try to challenge myself to step out of that comfort zone (read: walk into a social situation--or any situation--where I'm so not comfortable).

Just keep my eyes on the naked people. It'll be fun!

"Smile, breathe and go slowly."

Compassion, part 1

I think I'm going to try this out. Or if I have some more time later, look for something similar.

Like most people, I think I have a handle on empathy. I can pretty well put myself in someone else's shoes and more often than not, if I spend some time on it, I can even understand reasoning and actions, even when I don't agree with it.

But I feel I need to be more compassionate. I want to be more compassionate. Does this mean my sarcastic wit will suffer?

Possibly. =)

I also think I need to re-examine some of my relationships... The ones that have become more harmful than helpful. Perhaps this can go hand in hand?

We'll see.

Who do you GoodSearch for?

You know I love Google like crazy. However I almost never, ever use it for searching things online. Instead I use GoodSearch, a Yahoo-powered search engine which donates roughly a penny per search.

(There is also a link on the GoodSearch page for GoodShop which runs on the same basic idea. You click on the link to a store--BN, Best Buy, Amazon, eBay, iTunes, Dell... practically anything you could ever want can be found in the participating merchant stores--do your online shopping, checkout and bam, a percentage of your purchase is donated to your cause. I GoodShop'd Zappos for shoes!!)

Who do I GoodSearch for? ARF! Or the Amyloidosis Research Foundation. Amyloidosis is a rare group of diseases that effects proteins in the body which in turn mess you up. A couple of good friends have this disease and have lost too many family members to it. I feel bad that most of my time and energy is devoted to Relay, but I feel a little better knowing that alot of the 3,900+ searches (read: over $39.00) in 2008 were because of my searches!

I tend to do lots of searches either for work or reference for a project. Did I also mention I'm an uber nerd and comic book geek... Just think of what that does to a guy.

Now, I'm not going to preach about how it's important to volunteer and get involved and make a difference. You know that already, whether or not you actually DO something about it or not. But here I am, giving you a way to DO SOMETHING about a cause. Literally all you have to do is go to GoodSearch and look something up.

So I'm asking you to use it. Even if you don't do it for my cause, you should do it for some cause. Making a difference has never been so easy.

Obama

I watched pieces of Obama's address after work tonight. I find it slightly off-putting how many standing ovations the guy got. I mean, yeah, I think he's awesome. And the fact that he has totally energized a huge portion of the population, not to mention the world, is no small feat. He has promised so much and on one hand, it's refreshing to hear someone say, "Enough is enough, let's get our shit together," after... Well... You know.

But.

It's one thing to promise something and another thing to pull through. I know he can't do it alone and that there has to be support from other areas of government and such. But he's still a new relationship. We're still smitten! It's still fresh and exciting and the promise of continued positive change and happiness down the road is almost palpable. But will he sneak a kiss with someone else behind our backs? Will he betray our trust?

Here's to our hope and our future. Here's to the president that swept so many of us off our feet. May he really be the guy we're looking for.