"I had the itch to fly and I flew"

If I could just disappear, I think I would.

Punctuation

I've got this sort of running debate going on about about grammar and proper usage of punctuation and spaces. Growing up, I learned that after a period (or question mark or what have you), there were 2 spaces. However, in college I'm almost positive that the writing class I had discussed this issue and we learned that we don't in fact need 2 spaces after a period.

So, instead of writing:

This blog is silly. Who really cares about spaces after periods?

You can write:

This blog is silly. Who really cares about spaces after periods?

Being the nerd-dork that I am, I polled various friends and co-workers and may of them insist on the 2 space rule. But, being the rebel that I am, I insist on using one space. I was given some pause when I considered my cover letters, work emails, Relay For Life correspondence and other "official" typed matter. I might be a rebel in my punctuation, but I don't want to come across as ignorant or wrong. So I looked around.

Here's some back up, and something I thought was interesting. It talks a bit about how, today, characters aren't the same size but rather proportional to one another, making them easier to read and more visually clean. And if you're really bored, you can read about the Great Space Debate.

If you just want an answer though, I did what I should have done in the beginning and consulted the MLA. Basically, you can do whatever you want. One or two spaces is acceptable.

I shall continue to rock the one space, and wonder why on earth I spent the time to write this blog entry.

Charlie

Did you ever watch Charlie the Unicorn?

My friends showed it to me a couple years ago and I was terrified in a bad way. But now it makes me laugh. Hahah "Shuuuuuun."

And we all know laughter is good, right?

Pain...ting.

I have hit a snag. Remember about a month ago I was all happy because I started painting again? Well... Yeah. I messed that up. It's sitting right there, not 3 feet away from me, and I can't even look at it. Blah.

I know I should just do it right? Just hunker down and play. I'm torturing myself over this artistic thing. I just want it to be fun. I wanna be that funky art kid, not the dude beaten into submission by the bullshit all around him.

Hmm...

This is how exciting my life is...

I actually spent 20 minutes playing with colors on my blog. And look how beautiful it is now.

Yay Friday nights. I think I might just go to bed...

Trying To Put Your Heart Back Together

Okay... so if my little playlist project worked out better, I would have to add this song to my list. This vid doesn't do it total justice, but it's awesome.

I don't have a lot of Slow Runner's stuff, but what I do have I really enjoy. This song, "Trying To Put Your Heart Back Together," is no different. I can't figure out if I should feel sad or not when I listen to it. Haha, I guess it's actually a sad song, but in an upbeat way. Is that even possible?

It just struck a chord, and it continues to resonate.

(Thanks for the tunes, boyo!)

Still sad.

To whom it may concern: Thanks for eating my string cheese. I hope you enjoyed it. (Asshole.) -Yours very truly, Sadly Cheeseless

What the hell with the cheese already?

The bastard came back to finish off the job.

My cheese is gone. The last 2 eaten, or worse, by the culprit(s) before I got to work this morning.

There shall be consequences. Oh yes. The cheese wrath shall be furious.

Who do you GoodSearch for?

You know I love Google like crazy. However I almost never, ever use it for searching things online. Instead I use GoodSearch, a Yahoo-powered search engine which donates roughly a penny per search.

(There is also a link on the GoodSearch page for GoodShop which runs on the same basic idea. You click on the link to a store--BN, Best Buy, Amazon, eBay, iTunes, Dell... practically anything you could ever want can be found in the participating merchant stores--do your online shopping, checkout and bam, a percentage of your purchase is donated to your cause. I GoodShop'd Zappos for shoes!!)

Who do I GoodSearch for? ARF! Or the Amyloidosis Research Foundation. Amyloidosis is a rare group of diseases that effects proteins in the body which in turn mess you up. A couple of good friends have this disease and have lost too many family members to it. I feel bad that most of my time and energy is devoted to Relay, but I feel a little better knowing that alot of the 3,900+ searches (read: over $39.00) in 2008 were because of my searches!

I tend to do lots of searches either for work or reference for a project. Did I also mention I'm an uber nerd and comic book geek... Just think of what that does to a guy.

Now, I'm not going to preach about how it's important to volunteer and get involved and make a difference. You know that already, whether or not you actually DO something about it or not. But here I am, giving you a way to DO SOMETHING about a cause. Literally all you have to do is go to GoodSearch and look something up.

So I'm asking you to use it. Even if you don't do it for my cause, you should do it for some cause. Making a difference has never been so easy.

My State Project

I have been lucky enough to travel allll over the place the past few years. And not just weekends to PA, VT or Boston or down to Florida a bunch of times. I've gone to Houston, Chicago, Portland (Oregon!), Phoenix, New Orleans, Denver, Boulder, Anaheim, San Francisco... I touched the Pacific Ocean, stood on top of Pike's Peak, waded through God knows what in The Quarter, fireworks over the Bay Bridge, museums galore. I've watched good friends marry good people. I've sampled award-winning food. I've slept in former slave quarters, on hardwood floors, in airports. Watched the sun set in one state and rise in another on the same day. So awesome. So many good times. It's like really expensive anti-depressants!

I totally dig this travel thing.

I'm going to task myself to get outta town as much as possible. Maybe even FLY around as much as I used to.

Along this vein, and as per my earlier post, I need out of here. However, I'm married to my commitments and responsibilities until Relay. Too many things depend on me (which is just messed up...).

But I just booked a flight to South Carolina! Haha so a good start, ya? :)

I'd love to go back to San Fran this year too, but not sure. A few people keep telling me to check out Seattle, and I've actually heard nothing but good things about New Mexico. Not to mention a fellow alumna's gallery in Chicago. Plus, there was an article on CNN about how tourism in Hawaii was suffering and the next couple years would be the perfect time to go...

By the by, I could use a travel companion or two. Just tossing it out there.

You don't mess with a man's cheese product.

No one should have to work on Saturday. Which I guess technically isn't possible because then nothing would get done on the weekends. Bad thing? I don't care.

I've been keeping some healthy munchies at work so any temptation to have a cookie or some other fat-laden baked object would be curbed. Yogurt, fruit, triscuits, cheese, peanut butter... you get the picture. I've been keeping my perishables in the drawer on the bottom of the fridge.

About half an hour ago, I was greeted with an almost-empty package of string cheese. As in we went from 12 on Thursday when I left to 2.

Heinous fuckery.

You don't TOUCH my cheese unless you are given explicit permission to do so. A pox on you, cheese stealer. May you become lactose intolerant and smitten by burning flatulence.

Asshole.

I wanna go away...

Like just pick up and go...



Haha, maybe right there. Squish my toes in the sand. Feel the breeze racing across the beach. Taste the air and smell the sea. Have a beer. Doodle in my sketchbook. Maybe a friend or ten around and enjoying an awesome, paint-spilled sunset.

[Perhaps an old school football game after dark, which turns into a hysterical game of laughing, beating each other up and burying people in sand.]

I bet you anything there'd be a contented smile too.

Another cancer post...

Last week my ACS staff partner told me her father was diagnosed with cancer. I find this to be perhaps a little bitterly ironic, that someone who devotes herself to fighting cancer through her job now has to deal with it on that level.

What makes it tougher is that her parents just moved back to the Philippines for their retirement. Haven't been there even a year. Their family was worried he wouldn't receive proper care over there, or worse that they'd be taken advantage of because they're American (and hence must be made of money). When I talked to her last week, she told me they were going to make plans to have her parents come back to the states.

Then I got a phone call from her today. The cancer, which started in his lungs (he's never smoked, by the way) spread throughout his abdomen, effected his liver and other organs and will eventually reach his brain. There isn't really anything they can do, and it was suggested that the family see him while there was still time. She had to plan a trip to the Philippines with her 5 year old daughter in two (2!) days and is leaving tomorrow night.

I was pretty flabbergasted. I mean, what do you say to that? How do you even react to that? I felt awful, and in light of what's been going on--my earlier posts, not to mention GB's coworkers' (yes plural) family members dying of cancer or my co-worker's hygienist being diagnosed and passing away from a brain tumor in the 6 months between visits--I feel like I'm running in circles with all of this. I can't imagine what she and her family must be going through. It was tough enough for my family. Part of her's is on the other side of the WORLD. That's messed up. And being so involved with the ACS, I'm sure she knows more about what's going on than the average person would. I can't imagine and it sucks.

There was an article in Reader's Digest this month that I can't bring myself to read at the moment. (I actually read the whole rest of the mag practically cover to cover for the first time ever... It's a pretty sweet deal! More on that another time.) All I saw was "If you think of all the different varieties of cancer as making up an iceberg, cancers that cause symptoms represent only the part of the berg above the waterline." Wow.

So I know I'm pretty much fully vested in Relay. I'm also trying to keep myself calm with the prospect of my co-chair and I pretty much doing this whole thing on our own for the time being. (Being Online Chairperson in addition to Chairperson and a Team Captain... What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't anyone else step up to the plate??) I wonder if I'm building good karma to make up for the shitty person I am.

I'm going to need a very long vacation...

And cancer? You can fucking suck it.

Blooooooood!

Ever donate double red blood cells? I don't remember what the process is called, but it's sort of like a 2-for-1 donation (You're saving 2 lives instead of 1!). It's actually pretty cool, and while it takes a bit longer (30-40 minutes as opposed to 10-15), they've pretty much already pricked you. So why not, right?

I was a little worried because during my pre-donation tests, the dude was checking my pulse for 3 minutes. I'm sure it quickened a bit at the end, because all I could think was "Uhh.. What the hell could be wrong with me? Isn't this supposed to take 30 seconds or something?" Turns out he was making sure I was extra healthy so they could take the 2 bags outta me. Fun stuff!

Anyway, I found it funny how warm my blood was. After I got all hooked up to the machine that would separate my red blood cells from my plasma and white blood cells, the tubes were laying across my arm. When my juices started pumping out (that stuff moves fast!), I watched it spiral through the tubes and away from me. Farewell, blood!

Those tubes were warm! Now, I know we're what, 98.6 degrees or whatever. Obviously blood is going to be Siesta-key beach water worthy. Haha. Still, was unexpected. That's like, warm life pouring out of me.

Shiza.

I think you should donate blood. Not only are you pretty much saving a life, it's actually good for you. Helps clean out your circulatory pipes and stuff. Of course, I think the whole "saving a life" reason should be good enough. We should help each other, ya?

I'm actually thinking of signing up to be a bone marrow donor...

The Ides...

You haven't appreciated the simple things until you've witnessed the pure bliss on a dog's face while she devours a peanut-butter frosty paws. (The whole thing this time... a birthday treat!) How on earth she bends her nose like that I'll never know.

Here's to my magpie.

"We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us."

–Maurice Maeterlinck

Gallery reception

Today was the reception of the gallery I judged. It was a nice little event. Nothing too big or flashy. I did cause quite the stir with my selections. Some of those little ol' people are so cute when they're flustered.

"This one is BEAUTIFUL. This should have won. Who would even PICK that one?"

(Apparently I would, my good crone!)

"Francis, come here. This is the one I want. Why didn't this one win?"

(Because it's bathroom art. You can buy it and look at while you poop.)

I wanted to sort of mess around with them and have some fun. But that wouldn't have been very nice. Especially since I already rocked the foundation of what was considered to be beautiful. They were already convinced the judge was on crack! I love it. Haha.

Now I get to decide if I want to be part of this Artist Association. Of course, that might just be inviting more old-school, rigid-minded approaches from the 65+ crowd. I'd be the only one not old enough to collect social security! Though it might be fun to have my young-hooligan-ness dripping on their set ways. Good times.

"Why do people have to die?"

The other night Katie told me that one of the guys we went to school with passed away. From leukemia. It gave me pause then, it gave me greater pause last night when I looked up the obituary, and it made me sad as hell tonight when I found the blog that his fiancee kept during the end of his life.

I didn't read all of the posts. I don't think I can bring myself to do that right now. I don't think we were ever friends and it's beyond me if we ever actually talked to each other in class. But it still hits close to home.

The post his fiancee wrote on the day he died made me more emotional than I'd like to admit. I cannot imagine the turmoil that must have been for her, watching him die. Nor can I fathom what that must have been like for him, (hopefully) knowing his loved ones were there and that the love of his life watched him fade away.

Death is a curious thing. In the end it doesn't matter if he was just "this kid in my class" or my best friend. What matters that cancer robbed him of his love and his life and his future.

I've been so heavily involved in Relay for the past few years. While I've had friends and coworkers die from cancer, it wasn't until last year with my mom's illness that I really saw what this fight meant. Now, with his death I'm reminded again. This is why I take on this fight. This is why I get myself so involved. Relay is my way of fighting back and shouting to whoever or whatever is listening, that: "NO. We won't just accept this. I won't just accept this."

There's this episode of Six Feet Under where this woman is completely devastated by the loss of her aunt. When Nate is finally able to calm her down, she asks the question that I'm sure everyone who's lost someone asks: "Why do people have to die?" And Nate responds, "To make life important."

There's truth in that. Thank you for reminding me.

Cancer and a year

It's been over a year since my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. And about a year ago right now she was in the midst of her chemo sessions. I will never forget those 12 weeks for how nerve-wracking they were. It's hard to look back on it even now actually.

March 5, 2008 was a Wednesday. That was also the day my mom's hair fell out. She had mentioned for a few days how there were strands here and there, and in an attempt to make it as long as possible without having to wear a wig she didn't wash her hair for a couple days. That night, I was trying to get some stuff ready for a gallery show, and trying to come up with ideas for a website. I remember my mom saying she was going to take a shower, and a little while later I noticed my aunt and sister running around back and forth, talking with my mom in the bathroom.

I didn't think too much of it at first because I was wrapped in my own shit. But after a little bit, I headed upstairs to see what was going on. The three of them were standing in the bathroom looking in the mirror. My mom was wearing a wig, which wasn't an uncommon sight at that point. She had been trying some of them on, wearing them a little to try and get used to the idea.

After poking my head in the door, my aunt told my mom to take the wig off so we could all get used to "it" and so it wouldn't be shocking. I cannot describe the feeling the slammed into my gut when she pulled the wig off.

There stood my mother. The strongest member of our family. The one who's always the peacemaker. The one who bends over backwards for all of us and often times does. Her scalp was mostly white except for where strands of hair still stood together in clumps.

I can't tell you what my reaction was on the outside. I tried hard to be stoic though inside I felt anything but. I think we tried to joke about it, and she didn't falter one bit. She didn't let us see her cry. In fact, while she didn't necessarily smile, she reminded more of a shy little girl on the first day of school than someone who was sick. In the weeks to come, I'd revisit that image in my mind no matter how hard I tried to avoid it. I'd even come to miss it when I'd find her falling asleep in bed exhausted, pale skin tight on her head, wisps of hair in haphazard places. It scared the shit out of me and it still does.

After my mom's hair fell out, after she pulled that wig off, after we told her it was okay and she had "a cute little head," I did one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. I shaved my mom's head. And while I shaved and we evened out what was left of her hair, she took everything in stride. Like she always does.

A year later my mom is cancer free.

I don't really know why I felt the need to write this post. I guess it's been on my mind a bit, and I've found it harder to talk about now than I did then. I'm so thankful that things turned out okay. I'm amazed at the strength my family as a whole exhibited. I'm indebted to the friends who allowed me to vent the anger and frustration and sadness and fear and who whisked me away for a bit when things were just a bit too overwhelming.

And I'm pretty convinced that my mom can handle anything. (She rocks.)

Money money money

Just placed an order for 100 t-shirts as part of a Relay For Life fundraiser. Kick in the teeth is, guess who has to put out the money for said shirts? :)

$595!!! Hahaha wow. I knew it was coming, and it's something that was thought about and deliberated and all that. There shouldn't be a problem selling them all and making the money back. But it still sucks to have to front that sort of money.

I'm usually pretty thrifty with my money, so it always amazes me how easy it is to whip out that credit card...

Still want that damn TV too. What's another $500? (Shiza!)

Workin' world

You should check this out.

Maybe even add to it! It's great therapy.

Puppy love

"Dogs play more like children play, totally in the moment, barely able to contain their happiness. 'A ball?! You have a ball?! Oh oh oh, that's wonderful, miraculous, exquisite! Will you throw it? Oh please please, please throw it! Oh boy! You threw it! I get to run after it, pick it up, and bring it back!'"

-Patricia McDonnell
For the Love of a Dog

Judge, jury and ribbon bestower

I judged that show today! It was sorta fun even though it took a lot longer than I thought it would. Part of the problem was there was no clear distinction with what the categories were going to be. I guess in the end it doesn't matter too much since no one gets anything but the recognition.

I had my favorite piece actually picked out in the first 5 minutes. It was a mixed media project, which sort of surprised me because it's not usually my thing. But this piece was amazing. The artist used dried flowers in conjunction with watercolor to set up this scene. So cool. The whole thing was monochromatic, and even though the theme dwelt more with gardens gardens, the browns just stood out to me. Haha, possibly because there was color belching all around it. I don't know. It reminded me of an old-school storybook. Or a sepia toned photograph or illustration brought to life. Really impressive stuff. I'll have to see if I can take a pic of it, though not sure if you're allowed to do that in a gallery...

I wound up selecting 1st, 2nd and 3rd place for Oil/Acrylic, Watercolor/Pastel, and Mixed Media. Also chose an honorable mention in the first 2 categories. I was told one of the people I bumped down to honorable mention for a pastel always won awards. I had actually kept him off my list the first few times around because his piece was what some like to call "bathroom art." It was very good, don't get me wrong. But it didn't have the same life as some of the other pieces.

The president of the association walked in when I was finishing up and started talking to the woman who was recording my selections. I had walked to the other side of the gallery when I saw her point to a piece I chose. His response was a rather loud, "Reeeally?" Hahaha it was funny until I thought, "Shit, here we go," but then I decided, "So what? I'm the judge, am I not?"

The reception is next Saturday. Think I'll probably head over and check it out. And see what kind of waves were stirred up by my ribbons.

Hey baby

One of my coworkers had a baby a few months ago and just came back to work today. She brought the baby in to introduce to everyone before she started, and holy crap is she adorable!

It was actually the highlight of my day. She introduced us, and the baby looked up at me from her mom's shoulder with these big blue eyes. Then she made that cute baby face, where everything kind of scrunches up and she totally smiled (and maybe baby-laughed? Haha, I haven't been around babies enough recently to know if it was some sort of baby laugh). So I laughed, probably more out of surprise or relief that she didn't start crying. And she smile/laughed again. Best "pleased-to-meet you" I've EVER received.

It was awesome.

The Graveyard Book

I read this novel by Neil Gaiman (finally) on the snow day on Monday. It was awesome. I'm not going to try and write a book review, but it's sort of like The Jungle Book with dead people. Kinda. Anyway, it's a fast read and an interesting story and would receive a 2 thumbs up from the mikaroni school of book reviews. What I did want to share is a lullaby from the story, which I thought was pretty cool and something I would think of singing to my children one day (when no one was listening). [The character who sings it can't remember the last lines until the end of the story. When she finally sings it, her son is talking to her which adds a little more emotional emphasis not present here.]

"Sleep my little baby-oh
Sleep until you waken
When you wake you'll see the world
If I'm not mistaken

Kiss a lover
Dance a measure
Find your name
And buried treasure

Face your life
Its pain, its pleasure
Leave no path untaken"

It is all fun and games till someone gets herpes!

I found this segment from Stephen Colbert to be hilariously funny.

"Who's f@#$ing our ping pong balls?"

"That's why good paperboys use plastic bags."

"I've got bacteria on my ball!"

Now if only I could share this breaking news story with all the high school kids on Facebook who belong to that beer pong group! If only...