"I had the itch to fly and I flew." As you can probably tell by now, I LOVE that line. And here's the song which provided the sweet lyric.
And actually, this live version kicks so much ass. I think I need to go to another show soon. Guster?! Haha. Jimmy?! Hmm...
I find myself thoroughly enjoying this along with "Trying To Put Your Heart Back Together." All thanks to my Gregarious friend! [Where's my favorite DJ when I need him?]
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
2ns and meh.
I can't get the music to work! =(
And today... Today I'm really ready for Relay to be over.
And today... Today I'm really ready for Relay to be over.
Monday, April 27, 2009
GSK does Relay?
As I mentioned, my staff partner is on the other side of the world, but our sub was supposed to meet me at GSK this morning for a meeting with what I thought would be potential Team Captains. I was a little nervous, as I usually am when I'm on the spot like that, but I thought, "What the hell, I got this stuff down and I'll have backup."
But! Back-up was late getting there, and when they came to get me I find myself quite alone. I figured I tell them I wasn't ready or ask them to wait. So I was lead through the building to this meeting room. And what sight do I behold?
20 people, sitting in a horse-shoe shape staring at me.
If there is at least 1 thing I'm thankful that the library has taught me, it's how to hold my own when I'm put on the spot. I'm not the most elegant speaker, and I drop more "Ums" than I'd like to admit, but I nailed most of that stuff. When ACS help got there, she didn't even have to bail me out. Sure she added some stuff, but I handled most of it without throwing up or passing out. (Not that I've ever done either of these while on stage, but I'm sure if I thought about it enough I could.)
It has probably also given me the tools I need to be comfortable enough to chair an event like this and talk to people and all that.
Blast you library! Am I really indebted to you??
But! Back-up was late getting there, and when they came to get me I find myself quite alone. I figured I tell them I wasn't ready or ask them to wait. So I was lead through the building to this meeting room. And what sight do I behold?
20 people, sitting in a horse-shoe shape staring at me.
If there is at least 1 thing I'm thankful that the library has taught me, it's how to hold my own when I'm put on the spot. I'm not the most elegant speaker, and I drop more "Ums" than I'd like to admit, but I nailed most of that stuff. When ACS help got there, she didn't even have to bail me out. Sure she added some stuff, but I handled most of it without throwing up or passing out. (Not that I've ever done either of these while on stage, but I'm sure if I thought about it enough I could.)
It has probably also given me the tools I need to be comfortable enough to chair an event like this and talk to people and all that.
Blast you library! Am I really indebted to you??
Sunday, April 26, 2009
And cancer again.
This morning I received an email from my ACS partner's husband. He told me that his wife's husband passed away early this morning while she was on the last leg of her trip to the Philippines. She did not get the chance to see him before he passed away.
Her husband admitted he wasn't sure why he emailed me, but thanked me and the committee for all the work and dedication we've put into this Relay. That we've helped out and our efforts are appreciated.
This hit me a little harder than I thought it would. I knew it was inevitable, but I dunno.
It sucks.
Fuck'n cancer.
Her husband admitted he wasn't sure why he emailed me, but thanked me and the committee for all the work and dedication we've put into this Relay. That we've helped out and our efforts are appreciated.
This hit me a little harder than I thought it would. I knew it was inevitable, but I dunno.
It sucks.
Fuck'n cancer.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Bullies.
I saw this article on CNN last night and it really bothered me: My bullied son's last day on Earth. I don't expect you to read it, but the gist is this 11-year-old boy hung himself after school one day because he couldn't put up with being bullied anymore.
This isn't to say that there wasn't something else wrong with him, or maybe I'm just a little naive in thinking that suicidal thoughts don't really start till you are a little older. But the whole thing is awful. It reminds me of why I'm so jaded about people sometimes. This fifth grade boy had to go to school everyday and deal with people calling him ugly and gay and a virgin. (I'll admit I thought things really changed in elementary school, because I would have figured most of the 5th graders would be virgins. However, leave it up to the elite group of children to look at a kid from the Virgin Islands and figure that would be a great thing to pick on.)
I got bullied daily growing up. In fact, if I was in class with this kid I probably would have drawn some fire away from him. I was that ugly kid. The chunky, nonathletic, fro'd-out, thick plastic-framed glasses outcast. Heh, and looking back I probably didn't even realize it to the full extent of what it was. Kids made fun of me in elementary school, but it wasn't too bad. Middle school was worse. I'd get pushed in the halls sometimes, people would laugh at me in gym class, ask me why my nose is so big or why I was so ugly. This one kid used to call me "queer boy". (Which I admit in 6th and 7th grade I had no idea what "queer" meant other than the original definition: odd or questionable. No, I didn't have a social life back then either, so I read a lot.) And once this kid even pulled a knife on me on the bus. Those 3 years were among the worst of my life.
There is one difference between that me and this kid though. I never told anybody. I suffered pretty much in silence, resorting to a complaint of "I hate my life" rather than going to my parents or a teacher or anything. This kid did. I can't imagine how crushed I would have been if I told my parents that I was being harassed in school and nothing changed. Or if it got worse. I don't know where this sense of safety for kids in school comes from. These people who study bullying and all that. Are they stupid? It happens all the time. And there isn't really anything they can do to stop it.
I'm glad that I wasn't suicidal in elementary school, or that I didn't even really think of it until after middle school. My heart breaks for this kid. To go home, walk to your room and hang yourself in a closet with your belt... How does a boy do that?
I hope those kids that made fun of him realize what kind of pain they caused him. I wonder if they feel guilty, or if they'll change how they treat others. Or are fifth graders so hard-core now that they can shrug this off and blame the kid for killing himself?
Why can't we all just be civil to each other? Who cares if we all LIKE each other? Just be nice!
I hope that boy can rest easy now. I hope wherever he is, he can finally smile and laugh and be a care-free 11-year-old boy.
This isn't to say that there wasn't something else wrong with him, or maybe I'm just a little naive in thinking that suicidal thoughts don't really start till you are a little older. But the whole thing is awful. It reminds me of why I'm so jaded about people sometimes. This fifth grade boy had to go to school everyday and deal with people calling him ugly and gay and a virgin. (I'll admit I thought things really changed in elementary school, because I would have figured most of the 5th graders would be virgins. However, leave it up to the elite group of children to look at a kid from the Virgin Islands and figure that would be a great thing to pick on.)
I got bullied daily growing up. In fact, if I was in class with this kid I probably would have drawn some fire away from him. I was that ugly kid. The chunky, nonathletic, fro'd-out, thick plastic-framed glasses outcast. Heh, and looking back I probably didn't even realize it to the full extent of what it was. Kids made fun of me in elementary school, but it wasn't too bad. Middle school was worse. I'd get pushed in the halls sometimes, people would laugh at me in gym class, ask me why my nose is so big or why I was so ugly. This one kid used to call me "queer boy". (Which I admit in 6th and 7th grade I had no idea what "queer" meant other than the original definition: odd or questionable. No, I didn't have a social life back then either, so I read a lot.) And once this kid even pulled a knife on me on the bus. Those 3 years were among the worst of my life.
There is one difference between that me and this kid though. I never told anybody. I suffered pretty much in silence, resorting to a complaint of "I hate my life" rather than going to my parents or a teacher or anything. This kid did. I can't imagine how crushed I would have been if I told my parents that I was being harassed in school and nothing changed. Or if it got worse. I don't know where this sense of safety for kids in school comes from. These people who study bullying and all that. Are they stupid? It happens all the time. And there isn't really anything they can do to stop it.
I'm glad that I wasn't suicidal in elementary school, or that I didn't even really think of it until after middle school. My heart breaks for this kid. To go home, walk to your room and hang yourself in a closet with your belt... How does a boy do that?
I hope those kids that made fun of him realize what kind of pain they caused him. I wonder if they feel guilty, or if they'll change how they treat others. Or are fifth graders so hard-core now that they can shrug this off and blame the kid for killing himself?
Why can't we all just be civil to each other? Who cares if we all LIKE each other? Just be nice!
I hope that boy can rest easy now. I hope wherever he is, he can finally smile and laugh and be a care-free 11-year-old boy.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
The Captain
Unfortunately, my ACS staff partner's dad is not going to pull through. She's leaving again tomorrow to be with her family, and actually said she's not sure if she'd make it there in time to see him before he passed.
I feel awful, and not only because it's one of those shitty things that you can't do anything about. She apologized for leaving us again and promised she'd be back for our event. I tried to assure her I didn't need any apologies or promises. We're talking about family. That comes first, regardless of commitments or relays.
While she hopes to be back in a week or so, we do have another sub. This time at least we know the woman and she's pretty awesome. (And I'm confident will be a much more appropriate fill-in than the last one, who will still be a part of our stuff. Good times.) But as expected, a large brunt will again fall squarely on my co-chair and me.
I'm much more confident than when this happened last month. I feel like we're in a pretty good spot, and if the website is any indication, we are kicking ass. We have raised over $28,000 so far which is $11,000 more than last year's total online amount, and while we have 2 less teams we have about 30 more participants signed up so far. We're sitting pretty good.
I just really, really hope it all goes well. It's tough to pour so much of yourself into something and watch it wash away in the rain, or crumble under stress. I know my committee is ready to handle what we need to get the job done. I would like it more if I could count on the weather. Or the numbers to pull through.
It's the countdown now--23 days... 3 weeks from Saturday. (Yikes!) We're painting the town purple this weekend (with ribbons and banners... I'd prefer real paint but I think we'd get arrested for that) and have a bunch of fundraisers coming up. I am finding it interesting to be the cheerleader and coach when it comes to the teams and committees. All that positive reinforcement! Hahaha. I wonder if it makes a difference.
So here I go, staying the course...
I feel awful, and not only because it's one of those shitty things that you can't do anything about. She apologized for leaving us again and promised she'd be back for our event. I tried to assure her I didn't need any apologies or promises. We're talking about family. That comes first, regardless of commitments or relays.
While she hopes to be back in a week or so, we do have another sub. This time at least we know the woman and she's pretty awesome. (And I'm confident will be a much more appropriate fill-in than the last one, who will still be a part of our stuff. Good times.) But as expected, a large brunt will again fall squarely on my co-chair and me.
I'm much more confident than when this happened last month. I feel like we're in a pretty good spot, and if the website is any indication, we are kicking ass. We have raised over $28,000 so far which is $11,000 more than last year's total online amount, and while we have 2 less teams we have about 30 more participants signed up so far. We're sitting pretty good.
I just really, really hope it all goes well. It's tough to pour so much of yourself into something and watch it wash away in the rain, or crumble under stress. I know my committee is ready to handle what we need to get the job done. I would like it more if I could count on the weather. Or the numbers to pull through.
It's the countdown now--23 days... 3 weeks from Saturday. (Yikes!) We're painting the town purple this weekend (with ribbons and banners... I'd prefer real paint but I think we'd get arrested for that) and have a bunch of fundraisers coming up. I am finding it interesting to be the cheerleader and coach when it comes to the teams and committees. All that positive reinforcement! Hahaha. I wonder if it makes a difference.
So here I go, staying the course...
Courageous, just like the captainHere's hoping we rock it.
Marching forward with no doubt in his head
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Susan Boyle
I dislike American Idol and all reality TV as much as the next guy. I pretty much avoid it at all costs, especially since I live in reality, and while it's far from exciting or TV worthy, I don't really care to watch someone else's reality.
When the news of Susan Boyle first started going around last week or so, I didn't pay much attention to it. I heard that Simon what's-his-face was blown away by her performance or whatever, etc etc. Didn't really care about that either!
But then CNN put out an article about her, and I caught something else about all the hits the videos were getting on YouTube and all that. I succumbed and checked it out. And I'm actually not disappointed I did.
As I'm sure everyone else knows by now, Susan isn't the most attractive woman to grace a television screen. She was pretty awkward when she walked out onto the stage, and she joked around a bit, and people visibly made fun of her. I actually felt my stomach twist a little bit, and probably had some sympathy nervousness or whatever you'd like to consider it. How could one possibly forget what it feels like to be made fun of... or laughed at? What it feels like to put yourself out there and get beat down? And then the lady sang.
BAM. Stopped them short. Shut them up. Showed the "cool kids" what the deal is. I loved it. I felt vindicated for her, by her, through her. It was awesome. Not to mention that I thought she actually did very well and thought her song choice was pretty appropriate.
Of course, as all good news will do, CNN analyzed the beejesus out of it. The latest with the article Why we're fascinated by Susan Boyle. An interesting take on it, and thankfully one that didn't diminish my appreciation and respect for her. Whether or not she wins, I'm sure I'll catch another post somewhere. I hope she does.
I also think it would be a pretty good feeling to make money on those who shunned you. =)
When the news of Susan Boyle first started going around last week or so, I didn't pay much attention to it. I heard that Simon what's-his-face was blown away by her performance or whatever, etc etc. Didn't really care about that either!
But then CNN put out an article about her, and I caught something else about all the hits the videos were getting on YouTube and all that. I succumbed and checked it out. And I'm actually not disappointed I did.
As I'm sure everyone else knows by now, Susan isn't the most attractive woman to grace a television screen. She was pretty awkward when she walked out onto the stage, and she joked around a bit, and people visibly made fun of her. I actually felt my stomach twist a little bit, and probably had some sympathy nervousness or whatever you'd like to consider it. How could one possibly forget what it feels like to be made fun of... or laughed at? What it feels like to put yourself out there and get beat down? And then the lady sang.
BAM. Stopped them short. Shut them up. Showed the "cool kids" what the deal is. I loved it. I felt vindicated for her, by her, through her. It was awesome. Not to mention that I thought she actually did very well and thought her song choice was pretty appropriate.
Of course, as all good news will do, CNN analyzed the beejesus out of it. The latest with the article Why we're fascinated by Susan Boyle. An interesting take on it, and thankfully one that didn't diminish my appreciation and respect for her. Whether or not she wins, I'm sure I'll catch another post somewhere. I hope she does.
I also think it would be a pretty good feeling to make money on those who shunned you. =)
Did you hear the one about the cloned baby?
I dunno, this seems like it could be a bad idea. I understand the pain of losing someone and can't imagine how awful it must be to lose a child. But does cloning a lost child as a replacement seem like a good idea to anyone else? As it is, sometimes abortion seems to be used as a form of birth control. Are some [wealthy] people going to consider cloning as a type of "reset" button.
"Gee, honey, Junior is acting strange. Perhaps we should hit him with the shovel, scrape the inside of his cheek and start over."
Hahaha, okay, that probably wouldn't happen. But there's a whole grieving and acceptance process that I feel would be stymied by this. If you are that hung up about the loss of your child, cloning said child will not help you let go. Not to mention the fact that said clone wouldn't actually BE your lost child. Think of the years of therapy Cloney would need...
Of course, the whole article isn't about this one kid. But it addresses the inevitability of the cloned human. Sort of interesting, exciting and scary.
You can check out the article here:
Cady, the little girl killed in 2002 car crash who could 'live' again as a clone
"Gee, honey, Junior is acting strange. Perhaps we should hit him with the shovel, scrape the inside of his cheek and start over."
Hahaha, okay, that probably wouldn't happen. But there's a whole grieving and acceptance process that I feel would be stymied by this. If you are that hung up about the loss of your child, cloning said child will not help you let go. Not to mention the fact that said clone wouldn't actually BE your lost child. Think of the years of therapy Cloney would need...
Of course, the whole article isn't about this one kid. But it addresses the inevitability of the cloned human. Sort of interesting, exciting and scary.
You can check out the article here:
Cady, the little girl killed in 2002 car crash who could 'live' again as a clone
Your next booklist
If you are looking for some light bed-time reading, may I suggest you consult this list:
10 Great Books For (Traumatizing) Children
I actually feel like I need to hunt these books down! I've read the titles in #2 by Edward Gorey and Hilaire Belloc and I actually loved them. (That's not to say I think childrens books about a Hiroshima or abusive parents would be awesome. But an alphabet book of death? How can you not find humor in that. (Plus, that was one of my first ever illustration assignments... Good times.)
Besidese, if you ask me, Jim deserved it for being a brat and running away. And Matilda!! Hahahaha. You should totally check her out.
10 Great Books For (Traumatizing) Children
I actually feel like I need to hunt these books down! I've read the titles in #2 by Edward Gorey and Hilaire Belloc and I actually loved them. (That's not to say I think childrens books about a Hiroshima or abusive parents would be awesome. But an alphabet book of death? How can you not find humor in that. (Plus, that was one of my first ever illustration assignments... Good times.)
Besidese, if you ask me, Jim deserved it for being a brat and running away. And Matilda!! Hahahaha. You should totally check her out.
Shipping labels
It's a sad, sad day when receiving an order of shipping labels makes you excited.
It's even sadder when said labels print out so perfectly that it actually makes you laugh!
But then it's funny.
So it's okay.
It's even sadder when said labels print out so perfectly that it actually makes you laugh!
But then it's funny.
So it's okay.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Artoo? Where are you?
In honor of the brand-spanking new phone I picked out in less than 5 minutes thanks to the wonderfully funny and sarcastic Verizon lady, I have changed my blog to a black background.
'Cause that's what my phone has.
Pretty sick. I'm enjoying it thoroughly. Now all I need to do is figure out this music thing... For, you see, I've considered actually utilizing all the functions my phone was meant to have, including for once, sound! At least, sound when I'm hangin around home.
Guess who beeps and boops when I get a text! Haha. Not to mention a Guster ringtone!
Hahah I love it.
'Cause that's what my phone has.
Pretty sick. I'm enjoying it thoroughly. Now all I need to do is figure out this music thing... For, you see, I've considered actually utilizing all the functions my phone was meant to have, including for once, sound! At least, sound when I'm hangin around home.
Guess who beeps and boops when I get a text! Haha. Not to mention a Guster ringtone!
Hahah I love it.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
And it was good
Pratt was awesome last night, and while I'm still recovering from my lack of sleep it was well worth it.
We got there a little late (I don't care who you are, you can't think it's fun to drive around the city) with traffic and getting slightly lost. But even so, we manage to get in about 6 solid hours of drawing.
We started with gestures, which are always a good way to warm up, even after so many years. Then we moved into the "5-10 minute" room. Out of the 18 or so different models, we probably were able to draw 10 of them or so. Lots of different poses and opportunities. Free pizza!!! Some interesting and fun music. Some of it live. It was so great. And ya know, I really wasn't all that bad. Now I just have to keep it up.
Also bumped into a few friends from college who I haven't seen in years. That was a nice surprise too.
See! Trepidation be damned. This one was more than well worth it.
Now to find naked people in the area...
We got there a little late (I don't care who you are, you can't think it's fun to drive around the city) with traffic and getting slightly lost. But even so, we manage to get in about 6 solid hours of drawing.
We started with gestures, which are always a good way to warm up, even after so many years. Then we moved into the "5-10 minute" room. Out of the 18 or so different models, we probably were able to draw 10 of them or so. Lots of different poses and opportunities. Free pizza!!! Some interesting and fun music. Some of it live. It was so great. And ya know, I really wasn't all that bad. Now I just have to keep it up.
Also bumped into a few friends from college who I haven't seen in years. That was a nice surprise too.
See! Trepidation be damned. This one was more than well worth it.
Now to find naked people in the area...
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Naked People!
Tomorrow I'm going to head into the city for an overnight figure drawing event at Pratt! I say that with both excitement and a little bit of trepidation.
I still find the big bad city to be a little too intimidating. I'm fine once I'm there, so maybe part of it is like my issue with travel in general. I just want to be there, I don't want to go to the airport and sit there for hours waiting for the flight to take off. But in this particular case there is a certain flair of social anxiety. Not that I enjoy the wonders of full-blown social anxiety disorder (and I mean, how could I if I run a city-wide event, right?), but I think my discomfort is a little bit more than what's normal given certain sets of circumstances.
What's compounding it this time is the fact that this event will be chock-full of kick-ass artists (I mean, Pratt... c'mon!). This plus the face that I haven't drawn naked people in so long... It's going to be interesting.
Aud proposed this idea earlier in the week, and I talked myself out of and back into it about 10 times. Signs sort of keep pointing toward "You idiot! Go!"
I'm proud of myself for submitting to that contest. And I'm happy that I'm taking steps to rearrange my life. I'm not great at it, but I try to challenge myself to step out of that comfort zone (read: walk into a social situation--or any situation--where I'm so not comfortable).
Just keep my eyes on the naked people. It'll be fun!
"Smile, breathe and go slowly."
I still find the big bad city to be a little too intimidating. I'm fine once I'm there, so maybe part of it is like my issue with travel in general. I just want to be there, I don't want to go to the airport and sit there for hours waiting for the flight to take off. But in this particular case there is a certain flair of social anxiety. Not that I enjoy the wonders of full-blown social anxiety disorder (and I mean, how could I if I run a city-wide event, right?), but I think my discomfort is a little bit more than what's normal given certain sets of circumstances.
What's compounding it this time is the fact that this event will be chock-full of kick-ass artists (I mean, Pratt... c'mon!). This plus the face that I haven't drawn naked people in so long... It's going to be interesting.
Aud proposed this idea earlier in the week, and I talked myself out of and back into it about 10 times. Signs sort of keep pointing toward "You idiot! Go!"
I'm proud of myself for submitting to that contest. And I'm happy that I'm taking steps to rearrange my life. I'm not great at it, but I try to challenge myself to step out of that comfort zone (read: walk into a social situation--or any situation--where I'm so not comfortable).
Just keep my eyes on the naked people. It'll be fun!
"Smile, breathe and go slowly."
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Itchy. Tasty.
Do you enjoy zombie lore?
If so, then you should check out these Zombie Contingency Plans.
Fascinating indeed. I suppose Resident Evil strategies might not be the best way to go after all. And if you figure there'd be those puzzles to figure out and all those keys you'd have to find, then it hardly seems worth it. I can't even do simple math, let alone mix herbs!
:)
If so, then you should check out these Zombie Contingency Plans.
Fascinating indeed. I suppose Resident Evil strategies might not be the best way to go after all. And if you figure there'd be those puzzles to figure out and all those keys you'd have to find, then it hardly seems worth it. I can't even do simple math, let alone mix herbs!
:)
Naked in the aero-plane?
This isn't new, and through all my traveling I have yet to be so explicitly violated. I think it's a bit too far. Does it really make flying any safer?
I'm undecided. Although I find amusing the one comment about not minding so long as the traveler doesn't have to remove his shoes. Hahaha.
And speaking of naked people...
I'm undecided. Although I find amusing the one comment about not minding so long as the traveler doesn't have to remove his shoes. Hahaha.
And speaking of naked people...
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Oh, yeah!
I just sent in a submission for this contest that good old Ringling was doing called the Ringling 100. I can't tell you how many times I talked myself out of it just to talk myself back into it.
Either way, I'm proud, haha.
Had lots of little flashbacks throughout this time around. And it wasn't even the piece itself. Maybe it was just the mindset? Or talking to my Beastie about the project. Thinking of all those hours in the labs. Painting all night. Falling asleep in paintings. Studios and fumes. The passion and angst and laughs and all those other feelings of accomplishment for doing some great (or bummed-out-ed-ness for doing something not so great).
Shit I miss that. [and i miss them too.]
So this is another new leaf for me I think. Smart Mike has given me unflinching encouragement and is pushing me to be that "art kid" that I keep talking about who's sorta strange but not too socially awkward. (Haha, well I'm already socially awkward.)
I have a freelance gig lined up (with no deadline! Arrgh!) and a wedding chock-full of save the dates and invites (I swear I didn't forget) and a painting unfinished on my easel....
And there's a smile on my face that feels good.
Either way, I'm proud, haha.
Had lots of little flashbacks throughout this time around. And it wasn't even the piece itself. Maybe it was just the mindset? Or talking to my Beastie about the project. Thinking of all those hours in the labs. Painting all night. Falling asleep in paintings. Studios and fumes. The passion and angst and laughs and all those other feelings of accomplishment for doing some great (or bummed-out-ed-ness for doing something not so great).
Shit I miss that. [and i miss them too.]
So this is another new leaf for me I think. Smart Mike has given me unflinching encouragement and is pushing me to be that "art kid" that I keep talking about who's sorta strange but not too socially awkward. (Haha, well I'm already socially awkward.)
I have a freelance gig lined up (with no deadline! Arrgh!) and a wedding chock-full of save the dates and invites (I swear I didn't forget) and a painting unfinished on my easel....
And there's a smile on my face that feels good.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Compassion, Part 1 (cont.)
I wrote this down from that website:
Once I have that down, I am going to try and work on getting up earlier again--I was doing so well at the beginning of the year--and meditate.
For the first couple days in work I was doing pretty well with keeping calm and keeping these ideas in mind. But the public, bless them, they are just... amazing. They can whittle away those defenses like you wouldn't believe. Not that the actual job is much better at times. (I almost walked out today.) But the idea is to keep going right? Little by little... Keep it up, and I'll get there.
Right?
“Today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.”I've been pretty good at reading it in the morning when I wake up. I figure if I can get in the habit of doing that, then soon my groggy, "Are you serious, I have to wake up? Dude, give me a break..." brain might remember it so I can sort of repeat it for a while instead of just saying it a couple times before I actually get out of bed.
Once I have that down, I am going to try and work on getting up earlier again--I was doing so well at the beginning of the year--and meditate.
For the first couple days in work I was doing pretty well with keeping calm and keeping these ideas in mind. But the public, bless them, they are just... amazing. They can whittle away those defenses like you wouldn't believe. Not that the actual job is much better at times. (I almost walked out today.) But the idea is to keep going right? Little by little... Keep it up, and I'll get there.
Right?
Running away?
A whopping 3 people voted in my poll! I didn't even realize it had closed! Goes to show you how much attention I paid to my own blog.
And since the "Other" vote did not express any information or suggestion aside from "other", looks like I'm gonna have to go to Hawaii.
Darn.
And since the "Other" vote did not express any information or suggestion aside from "other", looks like I'm gonna have to go to Hawaii.
Darn.
Pictures
I came across this on PostSecret yesterday. I think I appreciate the sentiment. After all, I have 1200+ pictures I took in college that I haven't been able to bring myself to go through.
Part of it used to be the simple fact of getting bummed out to see how awesome things used to be. Haha. But I think this has something to do with it too.
Oh well I guess.
Part of it used to be the simple fact of getting bummed out to see how awesome things used to be. Haha. But I think this has something to do with it too.
Oh well I guess.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Compassion, part 1
I think I'm going to try this out. Or if I have some more time later, look for something similar.
Like most people, I think I have a handle on empathy. I can pretty well put myself in someone else's shoes and more often than not, if I spend some time on it, I can even understand reasoning and actions, even when I don't agree with it.
But I feel I need to be more compassionate. I want to be more compassionate. Does this mean my sarcastic wit will suffer?
Possibly. =)
I also think I need to re-examine some of my relationships... The ones that have become more harmful than helpful. Perhaps this can go hand in hand?
We'll see.
Like most people, I think I have a handle on empathy. I can pretty well put myself in someone else's shoes and more often than not, if I spend some time on it, I can even understand reasoning and actions, even when I don't agree with it.
But I feel I need to be more compassionate. I want to be more compassionate. Does this mean my sarcastic wit will suffer?
Possibly. =)
I also think I need to re-examine some of my relationships... The ones that have become more harmful than helpful. Perhaps this can go hand in hand?
We'll see.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
41 Days and venting
I can't believe it's April already. There's only 41 days until our Relay For Life event. It's crazy how fast time goes, and I still can't believe I'm in charge of an event for an entire city. Who'da ever thunk that?
It really is approaching the point where it's becoming a little overwhelming. I had the toughest time Wednesday night, where I essentially ran 2 hours of meetings by myself. For having over 100 people so far registered for the event, it's tough to see less than an eighth of that show up for a meeting. It's frustrating to invest so much of myself into this and to see how little other people do for it.
Sometimes I wish I could just be a participant. Go to Unos or Pennellas or Applegates and stuff my face and hand over a flyer so they can donate the money and show up and walk on May 16. It's like pulling teeth to get someone to participate. I'm not even talking about donating at this point. (Although, seriously, I cannot name one person who cannot donate money, economy be damned. You can't tell me that you can't give up your lunch money one day and eat leftovers, or have only 5 beers instead of 10 one Saturday night to support your friends or family.)
Granted, I am making huge, sweeping statements and assumptions. I realize this. I guess I'm just surprised at certain situations.
[Also, please note that my intention is to vent and not make vague accusations against friends who might read this. And I fully intended to plug and praise you in here Em, but I got carried away. Next time! :)]
It really is approaching the point where it's becoming a little overwhelming. I had the toughest time Wednesday night, where I essentially ran 2 hours of meetings by myself. For having over 100 people so far registered for the event, it's tough to see less than an eighth of that show up for a meeting. It's frustrating to invest so much of myself into this and to see how little other people do for it.
Sometimes I wish I could just be a participant. Go to Unos or Pennellas or Applegates and stuff my face and hand over a flyer so they can donate the money and show up and walk on May 16. It's like pulling teeth to get someone to participate. I'm not even talking about donating at this point. (Although, seriously, I cannot name one person who cannot donate money, economy be damned. You can't tell me that you can't give up your lunch money one day and eat leftovers, or have only 5 beers instead of 10 one Saturday night to support your friends or family.)
Granted, I am making huge, sweeping statements and assumptions. I realize this. I guess I'm just surprised at certain situations.
[Also, please note that my intention is to vent and not make vague accusations against friends who might read this. And I fully intended to plug and praise you in here Em, but I got carried away. Next time! :)]
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
"Please keep in sight what makes you care...
...you have it always."
That is my current challenge. It shouldn't be that difficult, huh? Balls. I don't know why I invest so much of myself into things.
This does make me feel a bit better:
"Spinning and spinning..." We're all gonna be dizzy. "Dancing in plastic, shake-up snow." Still dizzy.
I have the itch to fly.
That is my current challenge. It shouldn't be that difficult, huh? Balls. I don't know why I invest so much of myself into things.
This does make me feel a bit better:
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. - Mark TwainMaybe that's the excuse. I'm just a foo'.
"Spinning and spinning..." We're all gonna be dizzy. "Dancing in plastic, shake-up snow." Still dizzy.
I have the itch to fly.
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